Application complete!
Okay! It's done! HoneyD and I completed our Visa applications for the UK tonight! Everything was filled out, double-checked, and paid for - $202 on my credit card and hers. Now it's just a matter of waiting. The visa app site says it takes about 10 days to process once all documents have been received, so tomorrow I'll courier my stuff over (passport, bank info, etc). I think it's all okay - but I'm a worrier, so we'll see. Here we are applying.
Busted
I won't rehash the entire conversation here but I got caught yesterday on my way home on the train. I had to sit through a tedious 30 minute one-sided conversation - sure I could've participated but I wasn't giving anything up - not one iota of encouragement. The girl in front of me just had to get off the train early and leave it open for anyone to come sit there - but in most cases no one does - but no, this guy, he must've seen me and was just itching to switch seats. Here's a few snippets...
Esmer: You going to Milton? (forget the fake names)
Me: No, Meadowvale.
Esmer: You live in Milton?
Me: YES.
Esmer: I take the Go Bus sometimes.
Me: Oh.
Esmer: Do you take the Go Bus?
Me: No.
Esmer: Why? Are you afraid of it?
Me: No. I. Drive. (And I was annoyed here because who is afraid of the Go Bus? And asking me that is clearly an indication that he thinks I'm some shy, timid little girl. Clearly.)
Esmer: Do you mind me talking to you?
Me: No (I know I know, why did I lie? But there are people sitting right beside us and I would feel bad to say "Get away you annoying punk" because then it would be embarassing for him to have to get up, walk over all the people and down the crowded aisle, all eyes watching him, and go find another seat that is not facing me, or in a more dramatic fashion, leaving the car entirely.)
Esmer: Because you don't say anything. You don't ask me any questions.
Me: That's just the way I am. (Slowly and enunciating each word.)
Esmer: You should go to my country. (And he says this in what I can only assume is his attempt at "sexy", he narrows his eyes and drops his unusually high voice for a guy his age. Bleah, it makes my stomach turn. And I have 2 stops to go before I can get away.)
Me: Hmm.
Esmer: Dominican Republic. Have you heard of it? Do you know where it is?
Me: Yes. (I suppose not saying anything equals stupidity to this guy. It just reveals his ego, because if the roles were reversed and I was asking him all these questions and he was giving me one-word answers, then I'd know that he's just not into me! But no, he thinks I don't know where the DR is. What the hell!)
Esmer: Do you know how old I am?
Me: No.
Esmer: Can I tell you?
Me: Ok.
Esmer: I'm 28.
Me: Ok.
Esmer: Would you be afraid to tell me your age? (See, evidence to my earlier assumption that he's a big jerk.)
Me: No.
Esmer: How old are you?
Me: 27.
Esmer: Are you married?
Me: No. (And his eyes light up! I'm not being conceited people, they did, that's the whole purpose of this damn conversation, he's looking for a girl and I'm the unlucky target.)
Finally the announcement for Meadowvale is made. I'm almost free. But not yet...
Esmer: Can you do me a favour? I'm going to give you my phone number and you can call me.
Me: Ummm.
Esmer: It's okay, I know girls don't give out their numbers. But you will make me very happy if you call me.
Me: Ummm.
Esmer: Even if you don't have anything to say. I will do all the talking. Here.
Me: Hmmm. Gotta go - bye.
So I will find a new car to sit in, starting tonight. That's my first step. If I am caught again, well at that point, I will tell him that he has to go away, leave me alone, and never talk to me again. And I'll do it, I promise.
Girl Party #1
Last night my 2 girlfriends came over to eat, play texas hold 'em, and talk, laugh, talk, eat, laugh, eat, eat, laugh. You know.
It was a great time - we taught Sisy, (
The Canadian Baker and NOT her real name), how to play - after we re-taught ourselves again.
HoneyD kept showing off her tattoo and bra-strap and winning all our chips. There were prizes so she won a light-up pen with a cow on top, pink candles, and a picture frame. Sisy won stationary, stickers, and a pad with pen. Funny because I had those things in mind for her when I bought them. DeeP (introducing a new character who's name may change) won a light-up pen with a frog on top, purple candles, and her favourite, a change purse! She thinks they're for little old ladies, but in defence of change purse-holders everywhere, they can be very useful especially when using a small purse. Anyway, DeeP was a close second to HD but in the end, HD came out on top and DeeP ended up losing it all. Which was risky on HD's part since DeeP was her ride home. Sisy made an awesome spread, I was the kitchen-helper, and did a semi-good job at it, except I forget things - like in order to boil water it's not enough to just put the water in the pot on the stove, you have to actually
turn the stove on. Hmm!
Anyway - we've decided to have girl parties once a month, if not more, most likely here at Sisy's, from now until it's time for me and HD to leave. DeeP isn't coming with us, although she
should, so these get-togethers, while highly enjoyable, are also bittersweet.
There are a few things I already know I'm going to miss about being here - DeeP is one of them - how are you supposed to not miss your best friend that you've seen, talked to, emailed, phoned, etc for the past 15 (almost) years? Here she is...
Money money money
I get these moments, well more like long periods of stress, when I panic about the whole money issue and going to London. Actually, it's not so much going to London that creates this panic, I've always been like this. Sometimes I'll lay awake at night and run through debits and credits in my head. And trust me, it's not a fun thing. I'll curse myself many, many times for buying this or that or paying that bill when I should've waited until pay day and OSAP, oh my, how am I going to pay my OSAP?! Why did I go to school?! WHY? And tossing and turning ensues before I finally fall asleep and dream about sharks or work or computers.
So, of course this life move I'm planning is causing high-levels of stress. Like I'm almost at overload. I just spent the last 45 minutes creating a budget that goes day-by-day from now until April 30 - but I'm only at Feb 28. I still have to do March
and April. But I need to know exactly what's happening with my money between now and then. Because then I worry I won't have enough. Or I'll have just enough. Or I'll get there and I'll love London and then I'll run out of money. And then I'll have to come back. And if I had only done this or that with my money it would have been all okay. And then I'm screwed.
I need a cup of tea.
A conversation on the train
The following happened this past Friday.
Guy: Hi!
Me: Hi.
Guy: You going to Merton?
Me: No, Millway today.
Guy: Oh, you go to Merton though?
Me: Sometimes but Millway today.
Guy: Oh. (pause) Do you live in Merton?
Me: Yes.
Guy: I do too, I live there with my family.
Me: Ok, that's nice.
Guy: Do you like Merton?
Me: Yes it's nice.
Guy: I don't like Merton. It's boring.
Me: Yeah, there's not much to do there.
Guy: Yeah. I like Toronto. (pause) Do you work in Toronto?
Me: Yes.
Guy: I go to school there.
Me: Oh.
Guy: Do you have an office job?
Me: Yes.
Guy: Oh, I am studying electrical to work with computers. I should get a job with that. An office job is hard.
Me: No, it can be boring.
Guy: My name is Esmer. What's yours?
Me: RedCat.
Guy: My name is French. I'm from the Domincan Republic.
Me: Oh, nice.
Esmer: Do you know Onil?
Me: No.
Esmer: Do you know Ryan?
Me: No.
Esmer: Oh, Onil's my brother and Ryan is his friend.
Me: Hmm, ok.
Esmer: Ryan really likes soccer.
Me: Ok.
Esmer: Do you like sports?
Me: No.
Esmer: I like soccer.
Me: Are you going to watch the World Cup?
Esmer: Yes, I like Argentina. Do you have a team?
Me: No.
Esmer: Do you know Maradonna?
Me: Yes.
Esmer: Ever since Maradonna I liked Argentina.
Me: Ok.
Esmer: But he's old now, he doesn't play.
Me: Yeah.
Announcer: Arriving Millway stop.
Me: Gotta go.
Esmer: Ok, next time I can talk to you?
Me: Uhhh, yes.
Esmer: You're always on this train?
Me: No, sometimes a later one. Bye.
Geez, now I have to find a new car to sit in.
New shoes
One thing I want to purchase before I leave is a nice pair of shoes. But I'm not sure what kind to get - should it be something dressy or casual? I have runners - a pair of Sketchers - but I'd like to get a pair of Converse. Like these ones...
Black would be practical but purple or pink would be nifty - maybe I'll get navy - a nice in-between colour.
It's the dress shoe part that I'm really lacking. For work I have 2 pairs of heels that I live in - here's a pic of one pair. They've definitely seen better days and have served me very well for the past 4 years. The other pair is similar except one foot has a rip in the top by the toes.
I like heels; they make your legs look sexy and strong. I have no problem with the height of the heel - it's the thickness that matters - that's the part that gives you support so you don't fall on your ass. Many many times though, despite the thickness of my heels, I've walked over salt and nearly twisted my ankles, so really, there is no safety zone when it comes to them, but I take my chances.
But I love these ones - so somewhere in my budget I'm going to have to make room for them. They're from Nine West - it's not the name though, I could care less - it's the strap around the ankle! I love shoes like these and when they fit right they look superb for both business and pleasure. I have been looking and have yet to find a pair of ankle-strapped, leather high heels that I like. I have one pair, but they're summer open-toed, I want these, close-toed... Must find these shoes!
The travelling companion
Her name is
HoneyD79 & you can check out her blog. I think she should change the name of the blog though, because
The World Through My Eyes by HoneyD just doesn't kick it for me, you know? Anyway, a little about her... I met HD over 4 years ago at school when we were under the delusion that we wanted to be journalists/media folk. Based solely on how she looked on day 1 at school, I thought she was an ambitious bee-atch. But I was mistaken (not completely because it's true, she can be total B)!
Fast forward to today and we've become such good friends that we're going to go to London, England and who knows where else, together for 2 years. Granted that I'm really easy-going and laid-back and have a gift for getting along with people, the fact that I'm willing to spend that much time with HD is telling you something about how cool she is. Mind you, she's totally HM*, has a really sensitive nose for bad smells, and uses lots and lots of tissues (like really, A LOT) - the girl is a total D-I-V-A.
But she's also fun-loving yet responsible, confident but not a bully, we can fight and disagree and it won't be the end of our friendship, and we have enough in common and not in common to make it interesting. A decent match, I'd say.
*HM = High Maintenance
Comment of the day
Today, I was standing outside between the entrances to the train and subway stations. A man dressed all in white came walking out of the train station doors talking out loud. He was saying: "Bill Gates is the anti-christ, beware the anti-christ." Hmm! Then he walked into the subway doors and disappeared down the stairs. Everyone kept moving along.
Look I'm a real "brown" girl!
Hi, this is a picture of me. I was told to add some pics but I really don't want to plaster my face all over this.
Today was a regular day - but windy and cold. I was blown away by the wind after getting off the Go Train and walked all the way to my car through an empty parking lot only to discover that my door was frozen. So, I had to call my sister to come with some hot water and unfreeze me.
So I'm tired now - will write something more tomorrow!
Why Go?
It is inevitable, to be asked this question. Even to ask it of myself. Why go to England? Why leave the security of Ontario, of all that I've known, to go to a country on the other side of the ocean? But first notice, please, that I didn't say "home" but "Ontario." Why did I do this? Isn't this my home?
Well, let's see, it has been. For all intents and purposes this is the only home I've ever known. I'm not talking about a 4-walled structure, but about that cozy, warm feeling one gets, supposedly, in the pit of the stomach - a happy feeling - when he or she is "home." But the problem with feelings is that they're not always the constant, never-wavering, intangible yet strong things we think they are. Sometimes they're fickle, and sometimes, like all living things, they change and die. So my feelings of "home" have now changed and died. I feel transient and pulled, lulled, dragged towards something else - something that happens to be England.
This does not mean that where I am right now isn't great - I have been well looked after these past few months by my wonderful sister and her family. "Looked after" because, for a while, that's what I needed. Overall, I'm happy being here, but what I'm talking about is something bigger.
Leading to ... England. The mother country. Practically speaking, this destination makes sense since I only speak English. I also have always found Britain interesting - I know that's lame but it's true.
I need to go because I want to live. I miss my reason for being here so much that it can be too painful to just think about, let alone let it sink inside me and take over, which it always does. This will stay, the pain, the hurt, the sadness, but I need to mix in some happiness and joy and adventure or I might as well give up now. I don't think living is striving always to "find something" - because then there is so much missed in that journey - and that's why I can't really answer the Why England? - because there is no answer. There is no pot-of-gold nor no freedom from grief at the end of this. I wrote earlier it's because I want to live, but, to be more accutate, it's because I want to
want to live - in the most active sense of the word. I refuse to merely exist. So I'm going to England...
The "to buy" list so far...
I've been working on a budget to see me through until that fateful day in April 2006 when I get on that plane. From the information I've read so far there are items that may be unavailable in London or expensive - so I think I better stock up.
So far it looks like this...
1. Toothpaste - I only like Colgate Total
2. Floss - because I don't want to get gum disease
3. Shampoo & Conditioner - only Dove
4. Advil - only the liquid-fast migraine relief kind
5. Face cleanser- so I stay pretty
6. Vitamins - so that I don't get scurvy
Things I'd like to get are a new pair of jeans, something that fits nice and is cool and trendy. I'm living in a pair of $20 Walmart ones these days, so my style is hurting. Don't worry, I own more pants than that, it's just these are so comfy and right now I'm opting for comfort over style. However, in London, there's no way I'm going frumpy! My friend told me she bought a pair of Se7en jeans yesterday for $215.00 - ummm I'm not crazy either - I'm aiming at $100 as a reasonable price for a stylish pair of jeans. I'm realizing that I've been out-of-the-loop for a while now when it comes to fashion as I have no idea where to start when it comes to looking for these elusive jeans. I guess the mall. So, a trip to the mall shall be planned for the near future.
The other thing I want to get is one of those Canon Selphy printers. I want to be able to use my own photographs as postcards. Perhaps I can do this in London instead of getting a printer and lugging it around. But they're so cute and compact. Ah well, we'll see about this one.
RedCat's portrait
This is what the real
RedCat looks like. I think he's a little beauty. And he doesn't mind that I borrow his identity, we're tight like that.
A little about me
So I thought adding a bit of info about myself would be a good idea. After all, one key to a good narrative is a strong character description. So, here I am - let's call myself
Redcat - since that's what I post as - makes sense, no?
I'm currently 27 - almost 28 - getting up in age and not going anywhere in life. Except for now - now it looks like my life might get good again, just might be
interesting. Understand that it's not about me simply being bored. Things are different now. I was happy for a while, things were good and life seemed to have a possiblity of going in a direction that was pleasing - but it got stripped away a few months ago, and now it's time to leave because staying here has lost it's lustre.
Searching for "somethings" that I can't even clearly define is probably not the smartest thing to do. But being smart isn't always the way to live. I've got a good head on my shoulders and I trust myself, there isn't much more to need.
Some stats:
Citizenship - born and bred Canadian
Hair colour - black
Eye colour - brown
Height - 5 ft 2 inches
Weight - ha ha...that was a joke! you didn't seriously think I'd write that down, did you? I have some vanity!
Likes - music, books, movies, long chats
Favourite TV show - Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Dislikes - people who say stupid things when they should just say nothing at all, many many more
Current occupation - Circulation Manager
Non-smoker - no
Sign - Aquarius (and it's not all superstition)
That's it for now, I shall write again!
Mood Music
So I've always liked BritPop... Blur, The Smiths, Morrissey, The Clash, Radiohead, Coldplay, Oasis so in honour of my impending departure to the Motherland, I'm listening to
I Predict a Riot by the Kaiser Chiefs. What a great song! Can't wait to get to London to see some chavs.
London Here I Come
I'm leaving for London at the end of April. I'm so excited.... I'm in the process of filling out my UK visa application so I have to get pictures taken pretty soon. Going to England is something I've always wanted to do and finally that dream is becoming a reality. My friend D and I are going together and we've already booked our accomodations for the first week. There is so much to do before I go...I'm in the process of updating my resume and hopefully finding a job won't be too difficult when we get there. Oh yeah, we've also booked our flight - no turning back now! I think it's going to be great and I think if I don't go now, I never will.
